Renting. Hehe, I was just poking around in WHM, having fun, seeing what things do, then suddenly screaming "OH JESUS GOD NO" pokepokepoke "ARGHARGHARGH" pokepokepokepokepoke "phew...." Something magically fixed it.
And I just got done tracking down and fixing what was causing the forum lists to take so long to load.
Sooooo...should finally be smooth sailing from here on. Dedicated server means no more suspensions for using up too much of the server's processor and the site pays for itself. So now I can finally start adding things to the site that I've been holding back working on until it was stable.
Lol, if things go wrong again though, once I'm done pounding everything around to pulp with my fists, I'll finally take Cairenn up on her offer if it still stands. Thanks, Cairenn, and everyone else, for remaining supportive this whole time.