Originally Posted by Haleth
You actually don't see it until you go there, even when you control it.
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It's not just that. The icon doesn't update either after you have visited it. So if you visited it while its controlled by Horde, then you leave, and later Alliance wins it, your map will still show that its controlled by the Horde (erroneously) until you visit Tol Barad to update it again.
However, I've found that "/who tol barad" always answers which faction owns the island. If you see a lot of people in the peninsular and almost none on the PvP island, then its owned by the other faction.